A Woman’s Inner Journey Through COVID-19 Stay-at-Home Order, part 2

April 4, 2020

Another week of “writing for an hour” repeating itself on my Bullet Journal task list. . .

I was hopeful a week ago that our country and our state would be slowly getting back to a new “normal” this week. Or, if not this week, then before Easter weekend. Most of you are probably aware that the country is still under the “stay-at-home” for the rest of the month. I am not discouraged or panicked. I am however, looking forward to things starting to open up again.

Mid-week I decided to stop reading and listening to other inputs aside from the President’s Task Force updates and the Governor’s. I feel like that is the best decision for me right now.

Thankfully I am still working as is dear hubby. Even the few things I have to do for the church are continuing on, plus they are making some changes. It will be interesting to see where “we” are in another week.

Connecting with people digitally and/or virtually is interesting, but also very, very good when that is the only option. I am so grateful for technology that allows us all to do that. Right after I typed that I had a couple texts and a FB message ping through.

I am enjoying not needing to drive to and from work anymore and find myself feeling way less rushed and stressed because of it. I suppose I was reaching my threshhold for busyness before this all started.

Internally I am still encouraged and hopeful. I am not in denial about how difficult this is, has been and will be. I just expect it to all work out.

I find myself concerned about the comments I read on social media that are so incredibly negative, spiteful, malicious, and gossipy. It also concerns me that people are sharing “news” that is unsubstantiated. With our population descending into being less and less mentally well, I am concerned about those posts having dangerous affects on others. I do fully support the freedom we have to “speak,” but thinking before sharing feels like another one of the things we can do to protect the most vulnerable. Just sayin. . .

Something really fun that happened is that I applied for a job kind of on a whim a week or so before this whole thing escalated. Thursday night I had an email letting me know that I made it through from stage 1 to stage 1.5 — I am part of the 25% of the applicants who will be whittled down from for stage two. Fun and unexpected! It was challenging filling out the application because it required a lot more thought and input that a standard applicaton. I had decided to look at it as a fun opportunity to learn some things through the process. I hoped that I might have even the smallest chance at being offered the job. So, I feel like I have had a win already!

Finally, I was chatting on the phone with a friend this week and was inspired by our combined suspicious imaginations, so I am going to pop off of here and get some fiction scenes typed up.
~staying at home, on the Indiana prairie

One of those inexplicable days

this morning actually started yesterday, at about 10:30 a.m.

one of our adult kiddos headed out today for another adventure on the East coast, doing what she loves to do with people she really cares about, though not exactly in the role she had agreed upon intially. yesterday we celebrated her birthday and bon voyage ( she is not leaving the country, but doesn’t French add elegance and panache to the otherwise mundane?).

as a Mom, kiddos leaving home or in this case, leaving the state, is deliciously wonderful and painful. yes, i see one of my parental goals as being raising a mature adult, who is able to care for him or her self and others. check that box for this kiddo for sure.

when she hugged us goodbye AGAIN this morning, it was all I could do to keep from bawling, like I am attempting to do now, (which was not helped by reading a blog post about her “on my way” to posting this). so there it is.

i miss you already — all of you, our dear kiddos who are not living under our roof anymore. it’s right for you to have your own spaces and lives and jobs and friends and spheres of influence. i want all of that and more for each one of you. but it is painful nonetheless, just sayin’. nothin’ you can do, and nothin’ you are exected to do. i believe that some day, you will also know this deliciously wonderful and painful experience.

add to that the fun of connecting with our friends at the church we visited today, and this day has been full of LIFE, the vulnerable and emotional kind of life which transforms and shapes me.

these words do not accurately capture my thoughts and feelings.  i have many, many thoughts spaghetti-ing inside my brain.

~pondering, on the Indiana prairie

Living with adult offspring

It’s messy and complicated, and at times heart-rending.

It’s wonderful and insightful and feels kinda bonding.

It’s expensive and in convenient sometimes.

It’s helpful and convenient sometimes.

It feels wrong and right, alternatively, randomly and all-at-the-very-same-time.

It is not what I signed up for, yet what I signed up for.

I love all of our kiddos very much and am thankful for each one. I long for each one to be all that they were individually designed and created to be.

~musing, on the Indiana prairie

 

Election Night

On a self-proclaimed media blackout today, I am more at peace than watching and then pendulum swinging with the results as the polling places close.

I plan to go to sleep and hear the news in the morning, later.  The truth is that the sun will rise, the King remains on the throne and the Kingdom continues to advance no matter what man does or doesn’t do.

And tomorrow morning we will have pancakes and bacon.

And we will have school.

And I will go to work.

And we will have date night!

And so on. . . and so on. . . and so on. . .

I do want to understand and think and to receive.

 

~onward and upward, on the Indiana prairie

Just Sayin’

Two of my kiddos have remarked at separate times that he/she thinks that I am replacing children with our hens. My husband and I are highly entertained by this entirely false thought. Yes, the time that was spent on child rearing small children is now being spent on other pursuits, (like blogging). But hens could never replace our children.

Though I do love our pets and our hens, I do not feel the same connection with them. From my earliest childhood years, I have had the kind of connection with pets/animals that I have today with our current creatures.

And it is distinctly different than the wonderful/terrible, full-on, relentless love that guides my heart in relationship with our kids. Lest any of our kiddos reads this and misunderstands — the terrible part is the incredible, intense pain that my heart feels when you experience pain, disappointment, struggle, fear, sickness, injury, conflict, failure, and a multitude of other difficulties; it’s like I really do fell your pain, only exponentially because I also feel  my own pain, too.

And then I want to fix it, rescue you, avenge all wrongs, bring swift justice to the one who hurt you, make everything better at every level, protect you from ever experiencing this again, etc. Wading through all of those mama bear emotions and reactions in search of the wisdom to know how to respond is also painful and challenging. I know that I could probably DO lots of things that would make you and me feel better in the moment. In the long run, if I do so, neither of us will learn how to handle the next situation in our separate roles. It is a delicate walk of knowing how much to help, while listening and comforting and encouraging and offering asked-for input. I love you each, fiercely.

As for the hens, they are lovely and interesting — a new adventure that has the promise of a bonus: fresh brown eggs. But I never experience the process described above at any point in my dealings with them.

Just sayin’. . .

~random brain dumping, on the Indiana prairie