Quiet Steady Snow

Silently, gently showering down since about 9:00 a.m., the pristine white snow blankets our backyard. A double-fisted flock of house wrens plus a few other assorted birds chatter and scold one another as they flit on and off our birdfeeder that was once filled with sunflower seeds. 

“Snow days” sound a siren call to my creative soul – “bake,” they wooed in my pre-college years. “Brood and write alone,” their voices whispered seductively during my college years. Though not as enticing nor as perceivable above the din of having babies, raising children and homeschooling — still their invitation to create was sensed during those years.

Today, after putting in my obligatory 5 hours of work this morning and taking care of the daily household and personal tasks that required my attention, I find myself at the dining room table soaking up the tableau outside. I am not brooding, but I am writing. Earlier today, I moved mentally toward the plan of starting a soup in my Instant Pot (using the slow cook feature, and no, the irony of that was not lost on me in that moment; and yes, I did in fact laugh out loud), but abandoned that idea when I realized that I need to make bone broth this weekend before I make the soup.

The very last task I turned my attention to before writing was to do some more research and planning for the silent prayer retreat that I want to complete in the next few months. In past years, I have scheduled it for near my birthday in February, but this year waiting until after a commitment that I have is completed is a better timing for me.

(A red-headed woodpecker has joined the gaggle of birds competing for the sunflower booty; the smaller birds are less chatty and flitting while he is on the birdfeeder. Group dynamics are real even in nature.)

My hands down favorite place to go on retreat is a small air b-n-b type place in the northern part of the state. The dates that I want are not available, AND it’s more than I want to pay this time around. I have no argument about the price per night; it’s reasonable for the amenities. 

What amenities do I really need on a silent prayer retreat? Am I not getting away so that I can unplug and be silent and alone? 

I think I have been lying to myself about why I have chosen the various locations that I have chosen in the past. The truth is that I do like having the option to not be silent, to entertain myself somehow, to be “plugged back in” if I want to do that. Oh yes — I tell myself that I won’t do that, and generally I haven’t. But I also have not been willing to simply lay down the opportunity to even choose whether I do or not. 

My old nemesis, the desire to control, is a persuasive liar and a master of disguise. I am thankful that God is helping me to see through the smoke and mirrors, but also sad that my desire to control is so strong, so pervasive and so silently present with me. 

I had to dash away for a moment to set up pizza dough in our bread machine. Then while in the kitchen I noticed that there were a few other tasks that needed my quick attention. The lovely vista I return to here recenters me in peace. 

“What if you just receive each day as a gift from me?” God asked me that while I was on my way to getting into bed last night. I didn’t even know that I was complaining or moving toward control or plotting or planning or any other such thing. “Yeah, I would like that, too.” I replied. 

He continues to speak to me about my longing to know and to be released into my calling, which to me relates to vocation. More than a few decades into my life, and still I have no clue. I do sense that way is being closed behind me, rather than way opening. And that is significant to perceive, to understand and to be thankful for. 

Being the “all or nothing,” lover of extremes and user of hyberbole, action-oriented woman that I am, it appeals to me to simply adopt the false attitude of giving up. You know, make a rule and have a catch phrase to remind myself of that rule — possibly starting with “whatever”.

But way closing behind me invites me to continue to walk with God, side-by-side, listening and going with Him. A rule and a catch phrase won’t do. I want to truly surrender and find the peace and joy that results. And even that is a selfish desire. 

Would you help me to desire in my very core to bring glory to You in every thought, attitude, word, action, motivation, relationship. . . in everything, God? It’s not about me and my comfort. 

~ in the waiting, on the Indiana prairie

Heartaches

There are so many, many aches in my heart right now for others near and far. The evil that is boldly advancing on the Earth is heartbreaking. While the battle is truly against principalities and powers, it hurts flesh and blood people here right now. Only God can deliver us from this evil. The Good News is that He has already won the victory. And we have access to that victory through Jesus Christ, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Thanks be to God! May we unify in our prayers to God for deliverance from evil.

If you are unfamiliar with that of which I speak, the Gospel of John is a great place to start reading. YouVersion Bible app is free and offers many versions / translations of the Bible. NLT, ESV, NKJV, NIV are all great options. Before you read, ask God to teach you about Jesus and to help you to hear God’s voice as you read.

On a related topic, something God has been highlighting to me lately is how He protects me from things without my awareness. I am so thankful for that. He has been showing me that He protects me from me, also. Today, He made clear to me some immaturity and showed me how He has been protecting me from exalting myself and from being promoted out of my proper “sphere.” Additionally, He showed me that I don’t belong in a certain circle of people. This has caused my heart pain, and I feel embarrassed that I have lived with attitudes and actions opposed to these new revelations. He is so kind, loving, and merciful. I am grateful for His wise protection. My heart aches, but I know and rely on the love He has for me.

Learning from and leaning on Jesus, on the Indiana prairie

Trusting in the slow work of God

Endings are beginnings. A closed door offers a the opening of a new door. Change in responsibility = margin created.

On this last day of September 2023, one of my jobs ends; it’s a mutally acceptable arrangement, and one that I have encouraged. I will miss the challenge, but am excited to embrace the new, yet-to-be-seen things that are ahead.

One major theme this year has been the invitation daily, moment-by-moment to trust in the slow work of God in myself and others. He has been showing me that it is often easier for me to trust in His slow work in others; I hold myself to a different standard. . . which means that I am believing the lie that I can control God’s work in me. And there I go again — seating myself on a throne. Forgive me, Lord.

Another theme of late is the realization of how late the hour is and how little time I probably have left on this amazing Creation Earth. The divine tension between these two themes is where He meets me and transforms me to look like Him.

May God’s will be done. Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing else.

~ following in His footsteps, on the Indiana prairie

Slowing down to keep pace with

Hey, friends. Here we are on almost the last day of July 2023.

Yup, I have some goals for this year and so far some are on track:

• Relationships as a priority, including God, family, friends, co-workers and new-to-me people
• Intentionality and being present to the moment as a daily practice
• Slowing down enough to encounter Jesus as often as possible throughout the day
• Pursuing creative/life-giving practices weekly
• Vulnerability and showing up as my true self to the measure that He enables me to do that
• Saying yes to some things that are outside my comfort zone and that are not necessarily in my skill set
• Reflection about the events of the day and my responses throughout the day
• Personal retreat in the spring

Some of the things that I have not successfully pursued as of yet:

• Quilting – repairing a quilt and sewing a new quilt are on my list
• Learning to use my new-to-me sewing machine – it’s computerized and has so many amazing features
• Gardening – my “Charlie Brown” garden is kinda sad. Not sure what happened to some of the seeds, but they did not sprout. I even tried a second replanting and still nothing in those bare spaces. To be fair, I have probably had a return on my investment that matches my investment. I would like to be more knowledgeable and prepared for next year.
• Hiking and camping combined
• Frequent visits to a beach
• North Carolina trip to visit our daughter and her family out there
• Personal retreat in the fall
• Blogging more consistently and more often than once a year

In other news:

I have started learning to play Pickleball thanks to some friends from our church. I think I could get to the point where I truly enjoy playing for the fun of it. Time will tell.

Due to lack of clients, I deleted my VA website. I am still available for projects; I’d be happy to discuss the possibility of working with you: https://calendly.com/amydemoss/ .

And yes, the team I am a part of at one of my jobs is STILL working on the project we were assigned almost two years ago. It continues to astound us with its intricacies and complexities. I think the seemingly never ending new scenarios in this project reflect the challenges of being a company that innovates in response to customer requests for products which meet specific needs in the niche. Our team has a BIG goal of being completely finished with this project by the end of 2023. . . And then one of our team members is being pulled into a different team to help until a key position is filled. That’s life.

~still living large, on the Indiana prairie

A Blink and a Nod Later

Happy Thanksgiving, a couple of days late.

And just like that it is almost the last day of 2022.

Many wonderful trips up north to spend time with dear daugher and dear granddaughter.

New to us Pastor and his family at church about who I wonder how we ever did without.

New ministries popping up at church.

Same job, same project over a year later that feels like we have barely moved forward.

No new clients in my VA business, which makes me sad and bewildered.

Occasional connection with son and dear grandson.

Dear daughter married to a wonderful new son in love (not gonna apologize for that nomenclature).

Many sorrows and many joys this year. I am thankful for the steadfast love of the Lord.

Today, it feels like something has shifted. I suppose the next time I come here to blog, I will have a better understanding of that.

~ embracing Advent, on the Indiana prairie

Where she go?

Hi, gentle readers. I had no intention of leaving you abandoned for so long.

Truth is that other things had my attention; I have been trying to put my “extra” time toward launching a Virtual Assistant business. So there’s that. Status – still trying to truly launch after some initial great progress. Nada now. . . If you know anyone who is looking, I would love to have a chat. https://calendly.com/amydemoss/

I don’t want to hawk that side hustle here, though. I really want to catch you up — it shouldn’t take long.

The fall of 2021 was kinda beautiful out in nature; it is my favorite season, so I am partial. We celebrated Thanksgiving at our home with family and enjoyed the usual feasting and family fun. Every moment spent together with family is a very precious gemstone!

Christmas 2021 did not go as planned; one of our daughters was SICK, so she and her intended did not make it to our celebration together. We did pass gifts off to each other in our driveway, which was a consolation to my mom’s heart. It was good to be together with all who could be together including our at-that-time unborn grandchildren (our first two).

Winter slogged forward with snow and some ice pummeling us off and on; dear hubbie was happy that he decided earlier in 2021 to invest in a “cheap” snow blower. I continued to work remotely with the exception of some in-office training with new team members. Dear hubbie continued to work in the office. The fear porn that has held so many in prison did not affect us and our day-to-day lives. Sadly, it is affecting us tangentially. May God help us all.

Here in almost Spring 2022, we are having gorgeous sunshiny days of warmer temperatures and early flowers pushing their buds up through the ground. Earlier this month we were surprised by both of our new grandbabies arriving within one day of each other; they were due about a month apart. Both babies and moms are doing very well given their particular challenges; neither delivery was a “normal” experience for the moms and babies. We are very much looking forward to meeting and to holding these fabulous new wee people and to be with their parents.

That’s the high-level overview of the facts of what has been going on with me. How do I feel? Deep inside my spirit and soul, I am well and at peace. I have hope and expectation for all of the loving, good and prosperous things that God has for me each and every day. The chaos, destruction, hate, lies, deception, crime, and gaslighting in the natural cause me to battle discouragement, frustration, anger, helplessness, powerlessness, and depression frequently throughout the day. I am also restless and dissatisfied with my job role. While I am thankful for many things about my job and thankful that I have a job, it is a struggle every day to show up and give my very best.

What do I need? I think what I need is something significant to do — I need to find my people who are a part of my destiny so that I can find my calling. At this moment and in myself I do not know how to close that gap. I don’t want to just pick something and throw myself into it. I want it to align with what I am created to be and to do. I find myself again in a season of pain and disappointment in which He is simply asking me to hold His hand as we walk through it together. And being with Him like that is a most wonderful place to be. The dying to self part is relentlessly painful, but the end result will be golden.

~tying to be the very best version of me I can be today, on the Indiana prairie

Letter to a friend

Hi, friend.

There are so many things I want to know about you. After talking with you last night, I realize that the moments I have had with you have barely scratched the surface of your depths. I think it’s because of my “intense” personality that I am incredibly dissatisfied with this reality.

And ya know what? That is the reality of not only my relationship with you but even more so with my relationship with Him. If I cannot in this blink-of-an-eye lifetime know you to the measure that I long for, how can I mine the unfathomable, immeasurable depths of God?

So the opportunity (invitation) in front of me, is to hand this friendship to Him and to abandon myself completely to His goodness. I don’t mean to sound trite or to offer a Christian platitude here. Nope. That’s not it. Words cannot quite capture the mystery of it — at least for me right now. It is a work He is inviting me into and doing in me in my spirit, in the secret place, and the stillness.

Revisiting a topic we touched briefly last night, I truly do wonder if God is calling you to be His voice in the vacant space which you have discovered. I say it again — I wonder if you do not yet see and understand the dynamic impact you have on people of all ages. I see it and feel it. May He reveal it to you and give you wisdom as you go forward. You have been called to amazing things!

Then today I was talking with a friend who was sharing about a similar circumstance to your daughter’s death; this family’s daughter was the one at fault in a head-on collision which resulted in a fatality, however. And I immediately thought of the grace on you and on your husband right now. I am not saying that I know what God is saying about this, just wondering what He might be up to. So I am praying about that, too.

Though I could probably ramble on and on, it seems like the better choice is to end today’s installment. It is so weird to be in this space with the tragic and deep loss.

~bewildered and dissatisfied, on the Indiana prairie

Wednesday – Freebies

Freebie #1 – Freshbooks.com

Use their free version to help you track and manage one of your most precious resources — your time.

Freebie #2 – ConnectWorkTasks.com

Visit my new Virtual Assistant site and let me help you free-up more of your most precious resource so that you can do the life-giving things that are most important to you. 20% through August 31, 2021.

Freebie #3 – Tip for managing your most precious resource

Start your day the night before; before the day’s end review tomorrow’s tasks and meetings so that you have a mental framework of tomorrow. Then, if you want to take it to the next level, decide one small next step for each task. Finally, sleep peacefully.

Freebie #4 – Giants will Fall, Bill Johnson message from August 15, notes

Defeating giants is a theme I am hearing from many voices these past two weeks. Below are the notes I banged out while listening to the podcast for a third time. (The link will take you to a website; the podcast is also available wherever you usually listen as Bethel Sermon of the Week). Enjoy!!!

Giants will Fall, Bill Johnson, August 15, 2021

Jesus came to earth commissioned by God 1 Jn. 3-8
Righteous anger should be taking you to intercession on behalf of. . .
Identify with the person we would be most angry with and plead their case before God, asking for mercy.

Numbers 14, Matthew 6, Psalm 23

Numbers 14 – Israel given a promise; the promises of God guarantee a fight between the promise and the fulfillment. 10 said we are like grasshoppers.
Caleb and Joshua said this is a setup by God. The 10 said let’s choose wisdom. Same facts, but different perspective. If you move in fear, you will be called wise, but you won’t move mountains. C & J chose to not rebel against God by failing to step into a promise.
The giant is our “bread.” v. 9

Matthew 6:11 give us this day our daily bread

Psalm 23 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

Certain spiritual nourishment you cannot get except in a battle with a giant. My strength comes from the battle.
C & J are not impressed by the size of the giants. Do not loose sight over the size of our God and the truth of our promise. Changing perspective according to what God said. This land of giants — that’s lunch. When through with lunch, we will move onto dinner.

Psalm 23 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies – richest most glorious food that you will ever eat in your life. Interaction, fellowship and the most delicious food. Jesus is at the table and we have a life-giving encounter with Him at this table in the presence of the enemy.

All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.

God puts in the giant the food you need for the next season.

Joshua 1:5 As I was with Jesus, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. All those who come under your influence fall under this.
If you want to impact what you think about, change what you talk about.
You will make your way prosperous; many believers waiting on the Lord to make their way prosperous.
Manifestation of the Presence of God is to equip and enable me to confront things that Jesus would confront if He was in my shoes.
Be strong and courageous is something I can will my way into; if God is commanding me to do something, then He will help me do it. Keep eyes on Him. Stop being impressed by the size of my problem.
Your giant is your next meal. Give us this day our daily bread. God create the table in such a way that I am so overwhelmed by who’s at the table and what you put there for me to eat that I never again become impressed with the enemy who is watching.

Acts 10:38 God annointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and with power. He went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God
was with Him.

God is looking for a generation who will look at the giant and say “You are my dinner.”

Pray for:

Supernatural gift of courage
Supernatural gift of perception where we see things as You see them.
We want to see the impossibilites of this life bow to the authority of Jesus, and we pray for this.
Ask for an unusual ability to recognize giant = dinner; to interpret when the enemy surrounds me, there must be a meal somewhere.
Holy Spirit rest on each of us so that we never again become impressed with the size of our problem.

Start the way you mean to go

Dear hubbie and I joined a “small group” that was geographically close to our home and was attended by some of our friends and aquaintances. When first we attended, we did not know the leaders except by sight. The Man and Woman leaders were welcoming and authentic people – nothing especially “charismatic” about either one, except that they genuinely seemed to care about me/us. The Man was a dad, high school science teacher, skilled musician, whole-hearted worshipper and home school parent (did you see that coming?). The Woman was a mom, skilled musician, whole-hearted worshipper and home school parent. And their family was our introduction to Home Education.

As I spent time with the Woman and watched her interact with their five kids and watched their five kids interact with each other, I recognized a tug on my heart; it was one of those “I think I found my tribe” moments in my life. Ya know what I mean?

Their kids were normal kids – they liked to play, to eat, to laugh, to talk, to bug each other. But they were also loving and respectful to each other and to their parents. The family had a shared sense of humor and seemed genuinely close to each other. Bright eyes, bright smiles and kids that talked with anyone and everyone in our Small Group captured my attention. And these kids loved to read books — the ones that were old enough; the younger ones loved to have books read to them. We babysat for this family multiple times, and I fell more and more in love with those kids.

That’s how I want our kids to be. And dear hubbie agreed.

So, we hid those things in our hearts, so to speak. Our firstborn was just a baby when we had this revelation. It was exciting and kind of overwhelming to think about. Over the years before our son turned 4, I had lots of conversations with home school moms who were already in the process or who had finished their race. At that time the church we attended had a decent nucleus of families who were Home Educating; most of those families were using a variety of different approaches and curriculums, which made it easy to do firsthand “research.” I listened to their stories and then “tried on” mentally what it would be like to do home education that way. God knew exactly how to help me move forward. And He guided me every step of the way, my hand in His.

You may be under a time crunch at this point in your journey, especially is you have just recently decided to home educate. It’s ok. Here’s what I recommend you do:

Think about your core values and why you want to do this; write it all down.

Think about each child individually and what you know about how they learn; there’s a great book which changed my life called “The Way They Learn.”

Then start shopping for the books and/or curriculum that you think will work best for you and for your child.

Just start the way that you mean to go. You can always adjust your course along the way. One last resource I recommend is what I used for keeping track of attendance and for planning out lessons. I used one of Donna Young’s v-Planners for years and years; check it out and check out the rest of her resources. I invested time before the school year started (actually, I often started planning for the fall semester during February) planning everything out. I never regretted that investment of time.

If you have any questions or want to talk with me about home schooling, please contact me at connectworktasks@gmail.com. I would love to walk alongside you in your journey.

~thankful for my blessed life, on the Indiana prairie

So you are considering Home Education?

Whatever your reasons for considering the option of Home Education, you are not alone in the process, literally or figuratively. The NHERI (National Home Educators Research Institute), asserts, “Homeschooling – home education or home-based education – has grown from nearly extinct in the United States in the 1970s to over 2.5 million school-age students.”

Wherever you are on your journey, two things you should do if you have not already done so is to understand what Home Education is/isn’t and to find a state and/or local Home Education Organization. The IAHE, Indiana Home Educators Association, states,”We define home education as parent-directed, home-based, privately-funded education.” In addition to understanding the definition of home schooling in your state, you must also understand the law in your state. I strongly suggest that you become a member of HSLDA, Home School Legal Defence Association. They provide many free resources as well as links to Homeschool Organizations on their website.

If you want to talk about your options or ask questions about the practical side of home education, feel free to reach out to me at demossfam@gmail.com.

And good for you for taking responsibility for your child’s education by investigating the amazing opportunity of home schooling!

living free, on the Indiana Prairie